How to Become a Better Version of Yourself
Dear fierce ones,
My sister told me about The Sacred Enneagram.
"What is The Sacred Enneagram" I asked?
I stumbled over the word and struggled to pronounce it.
She proceeded to talk about it and then sent me several links to more information. Suddenly I was taking these online tests and I became completely fascinated with The Sacred Enneagram. I had to know MORE.
What is The Sacred Enneagram?
The Enneagram is a code to understanding yourself. It is an ancient tool that has been around for thousands of years. The symbolism and wisdom contained within the sacred enneagram make it a truly profound tool for self-awareness, spiritual transformation, and wholeness. Far more than a personality test, this is an unparalleled journey of self-discovery leading to a crucial understanding of yourself and others.
Two Must-Read books have been written about it.
1. The Sacred Enneagram: Finding Your Unique Path to Spiritual Growth by Christopher L. Heuertz
2. The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile
These books have blown my mind.
…as I read these books and began to understand the mysteries of my heart and soul I went from simple fascination and intrigue to full-on-study-mode. I read and I reflected and I processed. It was all I could think about for WEEKS. I kept processing and reflecting. I read and re-read. I even listened to podcasts with the authors.
It has been really weird and painful and so regretful to look back through new lenses and think... if only I knew then what I know now…
I would have told myself different messages…I would have slowed down more…I would have made some different choices…I would have valued myself more, I would have given myself permission to have fun...I would have communicated my feelings...I would have stood up for myself...I would have been more present...more real...and more vulnerable...
Unfortunately, I simply did not know. I didn’t understand, I didn’t have the tools that I have now, and I didn't know myself. I did not have enough self-awareness.
These books are so important. I now consider them essential tools for becoming the best version of yourself.
They bring light and understanding to the dark and mysterious parts of you...
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
When I first began reading and figuring out my type...I discovered a few surprises.
Confession. I am one heck of a prideful person.
I have to laugh at myself because...it actually was a shocker! As I read through my enneagram type description. I felt so EXPOSED! I felt uncomfortable. I was like...OUCH! Simultaneously I also felt relief...the jig is up. There is help. There is healing. There is wholeness. There is freedom from destructive patterns. It begins with self-awareness.
When I lost myself, it really felt like that. I just didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know where I belonged. I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know why I had failed. I didn't know if I believed in anything anymore. I had tried so hard I felt extremely disillusioned with everything, including God. It was an awful, lonely time. It has taken years of soul-searching to find my way back to a happier and healthier me. Interestingly enough (out of desperation and despair) I instinctively headed towards my path to healing. As long as I surrounded myself with other people and their needs I could not possibly acknowledge my own needs. Other peoples' needs always overruled my own needs. I forced myself to face my deepest fears. My habit of pleasing others was feeding my insecurities about myself rather than freeing me from my fears of unworthiness and my fears of not being loved for myself alone. My inner struggle and fears compelled me to be needed as an assured pathway for earning love, rather than receiving love through my inherent value as only myself.
I am a Type 2 Wing 1. The Helper/Perfectionist.
There are 9 “Types”. 1-9. Each type has a different holy idea, virtue, basic desire, basic fear, fixation, passion, the direction of disintegration and the direction of integration.
There are 3 Intelligence Centers. Body (your gut instinct) Heart (your feelings and emotions) Head (your mind and rational)
There are Harmony Triads.
It is as simple and easy to understand as it is in-depth and fascinating to explore. It was like peeling back layers and layers of my heart to rediscover the beauty of my soul.
As I started to read through the pages it was as though I suddenly put missing puzzle pieces of my life together. Suddenly everything made sense to me and I understood. I understood why I had so much trouble asking for help. I understood why I felt so unloved. I understood why I felt so betrayed. I understood why I was the common denominator in so much of my own drama.
When my kids were young, I remember reading them a story called The Giving Tree. I remember it because I really related to that tree. At the end of the story, I felt so sad. Tears slipped down my cheeks. My heart ached for the tree and at the same time, I felt outraged. I knew I was just like that tree and I didn't want to end up as a stump! I never read that story again because it really upset me. I didn't like it. I forgot about that story until it was used to describe my type in The Sacred Enneagram, and I instantly remembered and began to cry all over again. At the same time...It was a strange and wonderful rush of many feelings. I felt validated and exposed. Embarrassed and heartbroken. Empowered and filled with hope. Proud and humble. A confluence of mixed emotions confirming the sacredness of life.
"My greatest strength is often my greatest weakness" is a quote from a friend of mine that struck me as quite profound and it certainly applies in my case. The best of me at extremes is truly the worst of me. In the enneagram, this state is referred to as "moving towards disintegration" On the other hand, when I am moving towards integration there is no doubt that I am a much better person. When I am happy...everyone gets a dose of joy...when I am resentful and angry...misery abounds. That is the kind of power I have. We all have that power. Self-awareness is a powerful tool towards healing from dysfunctional patterns, fears, and anxieties.
I needed to share with you how helpful these books have been to me. If you are caught up in a pattern and don't understand why you keep finding yourself in the same situation over and over…these books will help you.
These books have been exceptionally helpful in understanding myself, why I do the things I do, and how I can become the best version of myself.
They will help you too.
Please read and share with others.
find your fierce
take the journey