Dealing With Loss
I’ve dealt with a lot of emotional trauma as a result of losing someone close to me. To be quite honest, losing people I love resulted in the biggest emotional hurting stages I’ve ever had to deal with.
When I lose someone, it doesn’t come as easy as I wish it would. Since I haven't had to teach myself or really deal with losing people who held a large portion of my heart until recently, I want to share how I escaped the torture, became okay with the loss, and accepted the hurt.
At first, I didn’t know how to handle the pain that went along with the loss of close friendships.
I became self destructive. I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong, and I tore myself apart when I was already ripped open.
Then I became tired… exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. So, I decided to teach myself how to healthily recover from the loss and pain.
I started to reflect on these relationships, the good and the bad. I came to terms with the unhealthy and bad parts, and I appreciated the good parts that made me happy. This was extremely helpful. You can’t go back in time and change how people treated you or how you treated them, so reflecting, learning, and accepting is crucial to healing.
I was bottling my emotions up pretty heavily for a while. The tension would get so bad that I consistently had headaches. Really, really bad headaches. So, I started to let myself feel my emotions. When I needed to cry, I cried. When I needed to talk about it, I talked about it. I became intuitive with all of these things and did what my heart was telling me to do. I stopped holding back and released my emotions.
If you had a particularly negative relationship, or there were a lot of negative aspects, try to take those aspects and learn from them. Whether it’s to better yourself, or to acknowledge your worth and self love for the next relationship. Once again, you can’t go back in time and change the way someone treated you, but you can realize how much you deserve happiness and take that with you for future relationships.
If you had a particularly positive relationship, be grateful for that. Even if that friendship or relationship ended, if it was healthy and you were happy, that is such a gift. It can be easy to see this as a more negative situation, because if you were so happy, why would it have to come to an end? But, people come and go. Appreciate the good ones and be grateful for the moments and experiences shared with them.
Here’s a big one… do not beat yourself up with “what if” and “why” questions. This is so hard on yourself. The relationship has ended, so try to come to terms with that and become accepting of it. If your questions aren’t answered by the person who had ended it, or if you’re throwing those questions at the universe, it isn’t for certain that you’ll get the answers. Take deep breaths, relax, and become comfortable knowing that there are some things that will be left unknown.
No matter what the circumstance, wish positively and hopefully for the other person. As hard as this might be, if they hurt you or you hurt them, it is going to release you from so much negativity. Don’t let yourself become resentful and full of hate, open up your heart and continue loving them.
Take your time to heal- it isn’t a fast moving process, and we cannot force it to be. Eventually you will feel yourself come back together. You’ll notice all of the little positive changes that come if you open yourself up to it.
It's important to be extra gentle with yourself. You are so deserving of love, but you need to bring that love to yourself first. Loss is never easy, but it is possible to heal and grow from it rather than falling apart.
I’ve been able to accept that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. I believe that they are there when they are for specific purposes and reasons, but not always until the end of time.
The other day, I wrote in my journal about a best friend that I recently lost, and I was able to write honestly, “I have finally let go.”
This took almost a year.
Every situation and every person is different, but I strongly believe that healthily dealing with the end of a close relationship is the most loving and forgiving thing you can do for yourself.