My Advice on Dating After Divorce
Dear fierce ones,
After 21 years of marriage, I entered back into the dating scene.
Things were definitely a little different now. Online dating is pretty much how everyone meets these days, and it was overwhelming and terrifying to me. I avoided that scene at first.
I dated the men I met in person. They were...
A mountain climbing Frenchman.
A car salesman.
The business owner of a moving company.
A physician assistant.
I begin with the mountain climbing Frenchman. We met on a plane in Spain, he was returning from a mountain climbing expedition to Peru, I was returning home from my first trip to Europe. He was charming and sweet and fell head over heels in love with me. We had a very romantic beautiful relationship. There was only one problem. He lived in France. We ended our relationship after one year because neither one of us wanted to move across the Atlantic. It was heartbreaking, but I have no regrets.
The car salesman lasted 3 weeks. I realized right away that it wasn't going to work. I ended it very respectfully. We are still friends.
The business owner of a moving company. This man was so gorgeous and sexy! I was instantly attracted. I met him because he came and did a moving estimate for me and then asked me out. Unbeknownst to me, the man was a pathological liar, and perpetual cheater. After a year of dating, I made the shocking discovery that he was dating 3 of us at once. None of us knew. I caught him, confronted him and exposed him for what he was. It was movie material.
The physician assistant. I thought he was a lot of fun. He was. I thought he was decent. He was not. Turns out he also had issues with honesty and fidelity. By this point...I had already been through a masterful lying, cheating, selfish dude. "The Other Woman" had been the story of my life for awhile. It was sick. It was toxic and I decided I had enough.
It wasn't the worst thing ever because I learned so much about myself through dating these guys. Some of the lessons were beautiful, and some were very hard. I went through some intense bullshit! But I did learn.
I learned who I REALLY was, and most importantly... I learned my worth.
I realized I was worth more than most men out there, and that I didn't need to settle for less than what I was worth. I now knew the value of myself and I decided that even if I never met anyone who was not worthy of me...I would rather be by myself! I simply lost the fear of being alone. If that was the price I had to pay...(being alone) then...BRING IT ON.
I had developed into a woman whom I actually liked. I REALLY liked her and she became very special to me, and I decided to protect her, cherish her, treat her right and defend her heart by utilizing all the lessons I had learned over my lifetime. I lost my fear of being alone. I decided that no one was going to cost me my peace, joy, sanity, and self-worth anymore. I had found my fierce!
I clearly remember the moment I fully realized my worth. It was immediately after I found out my current boyfriend (the physician assistant) had decided to start dating someone else (without telling me) and broadcasted it on Facebook for the whole world to see! OUCH!
It was the best thing that could have happened.
I realized in that moment...my days of misery were over. I was set free to truly be myself. It was so incredible, I can hardly describe it. I haven't been the same since.
Within 2 weeks after that life-changing moment, I met my wonderful husband on a dating app. called TINDER (also infamously known as a hookup site) but for us, it was Love at First Swipe!
It was the right time to meet him because I was ready. I was not afraid to be myself. I was not afraid to establish boundaries from the beginning. I was not worried about what he might think about me...because I knew myself, and I was AWESOME.
Remember who you are and what you are worth and never settle for less. If what you have been doing in the past isn't working... try being open to something outside your comfort zone. Going outside of your comfort zone is a great way to learn and grow. Find your worth. Find the fierce within yourself and don't be afraid to make mistakes.
Take the journey