How to Find Your Fierce and Become the Woman you Were Meant to Be
Dear fierce ones,
In response to my “for better or worse” blog post, There was a thread of conversation that was somewhat antagonistic. There was an exchange of words. It generated conflict. The post was deleted.
I honestly never saw the thread after my initial response because I was busy all day, but I had seen a couple of responses by some fierce women I know and when I went to read it, it was gone.
My first thought was “good riddance” because I had felt hurt by the words that had been said initially.
But then I started thinking…and I realized something.
This is exactly what I don’t want…
Agree with me…or we can’t have a relationship. I’m right. You are wrong. There it is. BAM. Taking sides.
We are always putting ourselves and everyone else around us into opposing positions and creating a war zone. Notice how instantly we jump to the aid of someone we agree with or feel for…but if our viewpoint is opposite or people don’t agree with us…we are offended.
Or…we say things like “I can’t stand so and so…she’s a _______!
It is so hard not to be “RIGHT”
The truth is that we are all valuable and worthy of respect. We speak our truth borne out of our life experiences. If you speak from a point of view that is unpopular…you will feel pain. Emotional pain. If you speak your true feelings or you lash out…you get labeled “bitch” or “feminist” or “victim” OR ____________. We are losing our freedom of expression because of this. We are losing ourselves.
Years ago, I was training for a marathon, and I trained with one of my best friends.
She is an amazing person and I absolutely love her.
She is an Atheist.
I am a Christian.
The deep and meaningful conversations we shared as we ran together mile after mile strengthened our relationship and gave me insight into issues that I had never considered. A different way of seeing things I had never thought of. I had never realized how easy it was to miss that in debate and in the need to take sides. Because of my great respect for her as a truly fierce woman…I was able to grow and learn and gain understanding of the world and myself. She has been there for me in some of the darkest and most terrifying moments of my life. Just being my friend and loving me. She is family to me. In our relationship, there is mutual respect and civility, and we can talk about everything. Sometimes it feels hard because we don’t necessarily agree politically or religiously, but what we absolutely agree on is mutual respect and civility. I love our friendship.
I love being a woman. I love how we as women fight fiercely for our beliefs and ideals and the ones we love. When it comes to our families and the ones we love, we will do whatever it takes. The woman in us is fierce. We are fierce with each other. We are fierce on ourselves. And when our families are threatened we are the fiercest of all. We will fight with every weapon we have until we can fight no more. We will sacrifice our lives, our reputation and our comfort to protect our loved ones. This is the heart of every fierce woman.
When it comes to our ideals…we can be equally fierce.
I participated in the women’s march of 2017. The march generated a lot of conflict centered on “rights”. Gay rights, reproductive rights…” my body, my choice” etc. In the minds of many participating, whether or not you agreed with everything being represented, it was absolutely the “right” thing to do. To march for these rights. In the minds of many who did not march, it was the “wrong” thing because of some of the issues the march centered around. Many could not get past certain issues and the conflict it generated within them. It was, in reality, a powerful and peaceful demonstration of unity and support for HUMAN rights.
My intention in this journey is to empower women to stand up for themselves, speak their truth and to learn from each other.
In order for us all to do that…we are going to have to grow bigger hearts and find our fierce.
I love acronyms. I always have. I remember as a kid taking the names of my friends and making a little acronym from the letters of their name to say something beautiful about them as a person. As a nurse, my world is full of acronyms, with new ones appearing all the time. We love them because they stand for something and they make it easy to remember.
F-Find your fierce! Find your best self and be that person. Find the truth. Find forgiveness. Find your gifts. Find the answers.
I-Integrity. Know who you are and be that person. Don’t be crushed into settling for less than you are. Don’t be less than you are. Operate out of Integrity.
E-Empathy. See the world through the eyes of empathy. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and allow yourself to wonder why they feel the way they do. Have empathy for yourself. You are not perfect. Neither is the other person.
R-Respect Respect yourself and your values and honor who you are. Do the same to others. But it starts with you! Respect yourself.
C- Courage. Understand that it takes a huge amount of courage to stand up for yourself. Feel the fear and do it anyway. That is courage. Have courage. You are worth it.
E-Empower. Empower yourself to take the journey to becoming your best self.
In our responses and reactions and in our own fierce ways we all have value and purpose and perspective that are valuable and need to be shared, understood and respected.
I want us all to come together and empower each other to grow bigger hearts of love, understanding, and perspective together… It will require us to be FIERCE.
Take the journey.
Find your fierce.